Making My Long Distance Relationship Work

If you didn’t know, I have been doing long distance in my relationships since September 2019, and it is definitely HARD WORK. 

Going into this new phase of my relationship I kinda just assumed it would be easy because I love and trust my boyfriend, and he feels the same way about me…but boy was I wrong. 

Because we both live very different lives at the moment, we are both super busy. It can be hard to communicate much throughout the week when we are both focused on our lives where we are. I have definitely had numerous break downs and long nights but hey thats life! And we always get through it. 

There are a ton of negative assumptions about doing long distance in a relationship, but as hard as it can be on me sometimes, I do cherish this independent time in my life. 

Thats right, I am grateful to be on this journey. 

Throughout my life and different relationships, I have noticed a theme of dependency on my past partners. Although my bad habits were not the only issues I had in my past relationships, it was definitely something that added to the toxicity. 

When my current boyfriend and I started dating it was definitely a little bit of culture shock. He was working at an internship over the summer from 8am to 5pm Monday through Friday, I on the other hand was not working due to some personal things in my life. So I had a lot time to work through the unhealthy habits I had from past relationships, so that they did not become a problem in my current one.  

Look at me acknowledging my toxic traits! Woo hoo!

Anyway, towards the end of the summer after his internship ended, we tried to hang out as much as possible before he went back to school 5 hours away. Trust me, I was very sad when he left, but I worked through my emotions in positive ways instead of becoming depressed and lonely. 

For his first semester back I made it a point to visit him every other weekend, which as crazy as it sounds, I was fine with. 

I never got to experience the college life so being at his school so often gave me a little taste of that, plus my job was very flexible and supportive! 

Since he returned back to school after Winter break, I have seen him once for 48 hours. Oh boy do I miss him. I had to wait a month to see him and the time I was there flew by. I am home now and as much fun as I had while visiting, sometimes I still get lonely. 

It is okay to miss someone a lot, even if you were just with them. It is NOT okay to obsess over it and put your life on hold to feel those feelings. 

Even though I have to wait three more weeks to see him I know I will get through it. 

In the past almost 7 months that we have been long distance, I have found different parts of myself that I never knew existed. 

I have grown so much as a person I would recognize myself a year ago. 

I am 22 years old and I am my own person, my partner is a bonus but he does not define me, we have our whole lives left to spend together, I am using this time to work on me. 

Two years ago my relationship would not have survived the distance because of where I was as a person. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect. I still have anxiety when it comes to my relationship, I have days where I am convinced it wont work and that he changed his mind. I have days where I text or call him too much, or get upset when he doesn’t answer, even though he’s doing homework.  These are things I have to work on within myself. 

Sometimes it is not at any fault of your partner when you feel a certain way, especially when distance is involved, and I encourage you to just check up on yourself before making any rash decisions. 

At first I would get mad at my boyfriend, basically for having a life at school, but the fact of the matter is, I have a life at home as well. Just because distance causes you to live separate lives, doesn’t mean you don’t  have a life together as well. 

We make time to Skype every Friday night. We save our social outings with friends for Saturdays and devote Fridays to catching up with each other and talking about our weeks. 

Long distance relationships are hard work, but I have never been in a relationship that has taught me more about myself than the one I am in now. I have never felt so confidently about a relationship until I started doing long distance with my boyfriend. 

Sometimes you just have to trust the process and love a little differently. 


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